I want to apologize for this post being very jumbled.
I hate hate. Kind of hypocritical, but it's true. There are people I really don't like, and people that I know don't like me. I wish we could all be best friends. I have had so many "best friends", a lot of them are gone now. But I guess we need to suck it up and move on right? that's what everyone tells us to do our whole lives. so why is it so hard? and why does it hurt so much? I hate having to let go of people, no matter how much they hurt me. Why are we told to forget, even when some of our best memories are from those people you almost forget about sometimes. then randomly something happens, and they pop back into your head and you know you can't forget. That you will never forget. Because no matter how much they hurt you or you hurt them, there is still a sliver of something in you that doesn't want to let go, or forget, or move on. and why is it so hard to tell people how you feel. Sometimes you stop talking to people because of a fight, and sometimes you just drift apart.
There are so many people I miss that i want back, so why don't I reach out to them? It's because I'm afraid. Afraid of bringing up too many painful memories, afraid of rejection, and judgement, and so much else. But why should I not still go for it? You never know if you don't try. The worst regrets are always the things you don't do.
I guess I just want to know that those people that i hurt so much don't hate me. and I want to apologize and be forgiven. I want everything back to the way it was, before all the pain, and anger, and hate.
