After I told my best friend quite honestly how I am doing lately she told me that I should go see a doctor about depression. I have been think I have depression, anxiety, or PTSD, but I thought I was just over reacting.
She told me to tell her what's going on and this is what I said: Life. I just haven't had motivation to do anything lately. I only got out of bed today to eat and use the restroom. I hate school, work, my apartment, and half of my "friends". I am failing all five of my college classes and they end in a month. My parents only pay for it if I get straight A's, so now I think what's the point in trying. I've had really bad anxiety the last month or so. I've had 3 nightmares the last few weeks that have all woken me up from my sleep and kept me afraid from sleeping the rest of the night. They were all about me dying. It's weird that I even have nightmares considering I have rarely been able to remember any dream for a long time. T has emailed me once the last 2 months, and I still haven't gotten his package. I don't go to church because I don't see the point if i'm not living it and don't believe half of what they say. I'm always exhausted and in physical pain. I am just done. There are days when I have really bad thuoghts and I just want them to go away but ther's' nothing I can do and no one I can talk to about it. I'm just in a bad spot right now, but it has to end eventually. right?
That's my life right now and I hate it. I'm sorry I always complain on here, but there's not really anyone I can go to. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hate who I've become and don't even know who I am anymore. I have given up. I'm done.
