Moments

The other day I met Alex Boye. He was so nice to me considering I interrupted his grocery shopping. It was probably the best moment in my entire life. It made me realize something that I always knew, but it just kind of hit me. Life has millions of good and bad moments. Many people don't remember days, they remember moments. The way certain things made them feel. Little conversations. And lots more. Life is about the little things, and for some people it's just not quite enough.
     Even though I have had a couple of really good days the past couple of weeks, there is still a lot going on that is bad or stressful or whatever. Most days I still don't want to live. I know I'm going to flunk this semester of college. My parents and i had an agreement that if I got straight A's every semester they would pay for the first two years. That's not happening this semester. Somehow I have to tell my mom that I just want to work this summer and next fall to save up money for a car, a phone, and college. I know she will be pissed at me for failing but I hope somehow that doesn't come up. She's going to be so mad at me and I''m avoiding that conversation for as long as I possibly can.
     My work is super stressful. The owner of the restaurant is so dumb and shouldn't run a business. She needs to promote me to night manager already and raise my pay to $9/hr. I have worked there for almost 9 months now. I am so tempted to quit but her restaurant would be screwed without me.
     Its getting more and more tempting to just pop those pills and be done with everything. I think the only reason I haven't yet is because of the people I will leave behind. I know what its like to be one of those people and it is the worst ever. I would never want to do that to someone, but I would like to think that they would understand and wouldn't want me to be as miserable as I am. But I promise that's not what your thinking when your best friend attempts/commits suicide.
     I just want to point out that I'm not saying all this to get sympathy or have someone try to make things better for me. It's just that sometimes I need to vent all my thoughts and feeling to someone/something, and it's easiest this way because I can get out all my thoughts without being interrupted or forgetting what it was that I exactly wanted to say.