Well as you should know, it's Mother's Day. Everyone on every social media site is posting cute things about their mom's. How much they love them, thanking them, etc. I didn't. I don't have a good relationship with my mom at all. I am grateful that she feed me and took care of me and treated me ok, but to be honest she didn't do much more than that. I can't honestly say that I love her. Hugging her is super awkward. I wish she would stop trying to fix things between us, its too late. I'm not going to let her in.
I started seeing a, for lack of a better word, therapist. She is very church oriented. She told me I have PTSD, depression, and abandonment issues. My mom takes me to these and my best friend Ash sits in the room with me. This woman is helping both of us. I think my mom wants to be in the room too, but she doesn't understand that she can't and never can. She ruined that for herself a long time ago.
I am sure I loved my mom and thought she was the best thing ever when I was little, but I don't remember much of that. I only remember her criticizing and judging and yelling and punishing. Everyone says its her job to do that kind of stuff, but that doesn't mean she had to do it the way she did. Some of you might think I'm being to harsh on her and I don't understand. Maybe your right but for now shes going to be treated the same way she treated me for most of my life, ignored.
I know she wants to help me and wants to fix things between us. But for now I have to do this on my own. Maybe someday she can be let back in. Sorry Mom.
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